Crosstimber Chronicle

Darla, as we all know, has regrettably made frequent appearances on our monthly crime blotter. She’s had to step down from the HOA Board twice as a result of her low character. We’re not sure why the Mormon Church hasn’t distanced itself from her at this point. Most other Mormons around these parts at least try to present a facade of being a decent person. Well, except for that tall fellow from Arizona who moved away to raise llamas with his daughter after being run out of town on a rail. What a freaking weirdo. But that’s for another day. Anyway, most other Mormons purport to be of high character. God expects this of them, does He not? But not our Darla! She prides herself on setting off illegal fireworks. It’s her forest, welcome to it! Will she pay to repair our fence that the elk busted through or even blink when we mention the deer fawn that broke it’s leg (and of course died) trying to get through the ice-topped snow to safety from the explosions? Hell, no. She and her family will just laugh in your face and make sure to buy louder fireworks next year. She is also one of our Meridiass Moroni transplants (as described in an earlier post), which simply means that she moved here from the God-forsaken suburbs of Meridian. Meridian, as it happens, has many LDS churches and wards. Darla has stated on many occasions, usually with spittle flying, that she was practically raised by a Mormon Elder and his wife and to prove it she has the wife on speed dial! Many of us here at Crosstimber Ranch would like to let these elders know that they need to do a better job of bringing up the young in whichever LDS ward they hail from, because this gal was a bad apple rotting in their midst. As she will most likely continue to cause trouble, harm and pain as long as she draws breath, our best advice, if you happen to run into her at the mailbox, is to smile, compliment her dreadful cooking, and then get moving in whatever direction that Darla is not headed.

All satire. All the time. All for fun!