Part Four in our popular series of Idaho’s Invasive Species focuses on a sub-strait of the infamous California migrant known as ex-cops from California. One could also lump ex-firefighters into this category as they, too, are public union stiffs with bloated pensions from a deep blue state that has gone to hell no thanks to them, but I digress. The inglorious story of the ex-cops’ presence here in parts of Idaho such as Garden Valley or especially the new-fangled gated communities of Eagle, ID, is best expressed in a campy, satirical music video — because there is nothing very deep to analyze here. And so I have created one below for your enjoyment. These ex-cops hail from Los Angeles, Los Angeles County, Sacramento and even the dreaded Bay Area around San Francisco. There are so few humans here compared to California that they immediately feel all alone and capable of getting away with, well, the proverbial shitting in the woods, if you will. They can leave a mess everywhere they go because nobody is here to see it or stop them. That’s not really true; we locals are here and near and we take care of our public lands and rural towns and simple way of life. When they find this out they usually become enraged at being caught out or not getting their way. I gather wearing a badge for 20 or so years gives a person a sense of grandiose entitlement. And that is how they have become so loathed even as they claim to “be true conservatives” and “love it here.” In the same breath that they say this, they may also clamor for more government programs or worker’s union benefits – you know, like they had back home. They don’t see the hypocrisy. They’ve lived it their whole lives. There are a few outliers; those who migrated from tiny conservative pockets — places like Newport or Huntington Beach. As far as a remedy or prophylactic measure to prevent their takeover of our native species and natural beauty, the only thing that would work would be to squeeze Idaho dry of all her beer, wine and whiskey. Then we might stand a chance. Until then, you better stay out of their way and Back That Blue!
BACK THAT BLUE
We’re the Invasive Species of the wild wild west
Don’t Tread On Us cuz we know best
We ruined California but we’re better than you
Don’t you dare try to cross us
You better Back That Blue!
We drink a lot of wine and rant on Facebook
And then attend a Trump rally.
We ex-cops, we never wrong
Just like it was back in Cali
For twenty years our union made us vote Democrat
Now we take early retirement and wear a red MAGA hat
Now we might be a little racist, but then who really cares?
It’s all White folk around these parts, the rest are running scared.
Livin’ like renegades in the wild wild west
No rules to follow cuz we know best
We’re the ex-cops from Californ-eye-aaay.
We bankrupted Sacramento and now we’re here to stay.
Big fat pensions, we can live large in Idaho
But we don’t ‘do as the Romans do’
Oh NO NO NO
We like extra-large hot tubs and getting oiled up with neighbors
It may end in a drunken brawl, our rage don’t do us any favors.
Yes, you too, Mr Boise County Sheriff –
Um, who are you? Excuse me? Nah. We’re the law around here.
These are OUR fat wives drinking whiskey all day
So you caught her stealing – man, just look away.
We dream of more ATVs and a mobile home or two.
Our kids all have rap sheets and are covered in tattoos.
We’ve got lots of money, but no brains or taste.
We don’t really like nature, it’s just such a waste.
YEAH, We’re the Invasive Species of the wild wild west
Don’t Tread On Us Cuz We Know Best
We ruined California but we’re better than you
Don’t you dare try to cross us
You better Back That Blue!
Crosstimber Chronicle 
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